This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
