I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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