dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
