Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
