i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
