Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
