tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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