I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
