no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
