Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
