isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
