Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
