Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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