And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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