Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
