my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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