That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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