and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
