if i can run in heels then i can drive
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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