We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
