some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
