Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
