either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
