Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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