I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Randomize
