You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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