My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
