Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
