Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I puked a lego.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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