i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
