Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
