So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
