ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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