i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
