The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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