I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
