I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
