Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
