I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All the doctor said was why
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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