erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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