Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
