when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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