When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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