i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
