i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
