i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
