If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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