before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
