It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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