I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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