We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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