I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Bring me that man meat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
